Entropy
by PuBlicJourNal
Summary: The measure of disorder or randomness... Yeah that's what I use for the scale that I measure these boys.
1. The Storm Coming In

**To Readers of HESS:**

**Hello! This ran over my head and I needed to let it out. It is easier to write this than my other stories do to the fact that I don't have to do extensive research. Don't worry I'm not giving up on them and will hopefully post soon. I'm working on it but its taking a lot more time than expected because my school work and life has decided to throw things on me for no reason.**

**To New Reader:**

**HI! I hope you enjoy the utter malarkey your about to read! I have become obsessed with Big Time Rush and have had this in my mind for a while now.**

**Just so you guys know this is fictional Jeff Skinner's life like how Bones does a fictional Billy Gibbons' life. I tried to base some of his actual history and family on this but obviously changed it and gave him an extra sister, also made all of his other siblings older and screwed around with their age. He is one of my favorite players, other than my cousin Keith Yandle (GO CYOTES!) and I have a slight crush on the kid (he's an 18 year old pro hockey player with an accent, sue me for having a preference to this).**

**ANYWAY!**

**I NO own BTR, totally wish I did but no… sigh.**

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_Chapter One:_

_The Storms Coming In_

If there was one thing that used to make me extremely angry it was Logan Mitchell…

I remember all those times that I would come very close to letting Carlos use the striker with the Bunsen burner on high just to get out of the chemistry lab and make Logan shut his mouth about what he thought was wrong with my procedures. It took all my will power and 10 dollars each from Kendall and James in apology to keep me from killing the kid everyday at school.

He was just lucky I loved him and his smile so much.

Yes I said it I love Logan "Super Douche-y Friend" Mitchell. I would love to see you try and get me to admit that to him though. You would closer find me watching _The Hills_, or better yet _The Hills _with the Stanley Cup game playing on _ESPEN_, in overtime! Because if there was one thing that I would never ever do it was admit to Logan "I'm So Much Smarter Than You" Mitchell that I like him.

"Sandra Elizabeth Skinner, get your butt down here this instant!"

"Coming!" I grabbed my school bag after looking myself over in the mirror. I have to say moving to Hermantown, Minnesota all those years back was the best decision my parents made in a long time. Hermantown is a small city with a population of 7,448 people. It was a suburb of Duluth and many times you would find the kids of the town running into the city for the weekend, my brother, my friends and myself were not an expectation to this rule. I had moved from Canada with my 4 older sisters and 2 older brothers about 5 years ago when my brother focused on his hockey goals (no pun intended). My parents decided it was a good idea to home school Jeff and move since our older siblings went off to college and I was just starting junior high school which was in the same building as the high school that I would be attending later on. He soon joined a junior professional league and was then drafted by the Carolina Hurricanes becoming the youngest member on the team as of late.

During the time my brother became a superhero to kids everywhere, I was making friends with hockey heads myself. We had moved in across the street from the Knight family and Mrs. Knight had come over to greet us into the town with some fresh cookies. My parents, being the gracious hosts they are and knowing their way around a social predicament (they were lawyers after all) let her in. She had brought along her son Kendall and informed us she also had a daughter who was currently over a friend's house.

"_I hope you don't mind us coming over, we had seen the moving trucks and no one has lived here since the previous owner George moved out a few years back." Mrs. Knight said handing my mother the saran wrapped covered cookies._

"_Not at all dear, it's a pleasure to see we have such welcoming neighbors. Isn't that right Sandra?"_

"_Yeah right, can I have a cookie?" I was eyeing the cookies from my spot on the couch (in my brother's sweatpants and a maple leaves shirt no less, needless to say I wasn't presentable to me mother's standards)._

"_Not until you clean up."_

"_But mom, I'm comfortable and tired! We have been driving all day and then Jeff made me practice with him on the pond out back and I haven't eaten since lunch and—"_

"_Alright alright you can have one cookie."_

"_Yes!" I hopped over the back of the couch making my brown messy hair fly all over the place and slid into the kitchen to grab a cookie._

"_Hey Kendall right? Want to watch the Leaves game with me? They're playing Vancouver…" I said the end of the sentence in a sing song voice, the boy looking pleadingly at his mother who gave him the okay as we both darted to my couch._

_Before I could settle in I was being shifted around by the load that I liked to call my older brother Jeff. The dumb tub of lard sat on me and grabbed at my cookie but before he could do anything I stuck my finger in his ear and simultaneously grabbed my cookie and pushed him to the floor. I was deceptively strong for a 12 year old girl. He laughed from the floor as I split the cookie with him. _

_The three of us sat by the television watching the hockey game and talking during commercials and in between periods, mostly about the game itself._

"_Dude I would love to play against the Sedin twins, I mean it would be epic!" Jeff said from his seat below me._

"_Dude shut up!" I said pushing his head forward away from my legs. We continued the conversation like that until the end of the game when Kendall had to leave. Before he left he ran back inside and looked me in the eyes._

"_Do you want to hang with me and my friends sometime? We normally don't invite girls to hang with us but I'd think you'd fit in." _

"_Yeah I'd like that." I gave him a peck on the cheek for good measure and we both flushed before he ran to the door._

That is where my love affair with those boys started. I will admit that I originally fell in love with Kendall and by the time we were in 10th grade we started dating and continued to date throughout the year. This ended when we both realized that there was someone else that caught my eye a little stronger than my childhood love, and that was stupid, annoying, haughty, pompous, snooty, patronizing, condescending Logan Mitchell. We broke off the relationship but Kendall became a new important role in my life, he became my brother. When Jeff left I really didn't know what to do with myself so having Kendall there was awesome. Jeff was always gone, having practices and meetings with scouts across the country. My parents leaving for a week to help him out and being able to let the boys come over was great.

The ability to do this ended when the boys went to Hollywood and left me, not that I had any bitter feeling towards them, I knew they had their own futures and would leave eventually. Of course I always thought that Kendall would be joining my brother, Logan would be at Harvard Medical School, Carlos would be at the police academy and James… well James was always going to end up in Hollywood.

Which brings us back to…

"Sandra! You have 30 minutes to get to school! Hurry up."

"Yes mother!" I checked myself in the mirror one last time, something I thank James for and thought of how much I've changed. I no longer had my messy brown hair that fell in tendrils, I had dark red hair that was cut at my jaw line, short hair was not that hard to manage for me and was recent in my hair venture, six months old I believe.

I was always meant to be a red head; it's just something that was supposed to happen. I felt good with my appearance, something that hadn't been true when I started high school, and I was starting to fit into myself better.

I grabbed my keys on my way out to door and went through the drive through for a quick breakfast wrap and tea (large with milk and one sugar) then parked in the school parking lot. I grabbed my back pack and jumped out the front cab of my ford pickup.

"'Drea, can I toss my stuff in your flat bed? My mom took the car." A voice said from behind ne, to busy informing my mom on my arrival at school I didn't face to voice but I knew who it was.

"Sure Jake, just make sure you cover up the bed afterwards, storms suppose to be coming in and I don't want that stuff to get wet."

"No problem pookie." Jake said

"Don't call me pookie you donk." I said finally looking up at him. He pushed back the hair from my face and gave me a kiss on the lips. I pulled away laughing, he did as well and we took off for class.

Now Jake is someone I need to explain.

Jake was a giant to me, towering at an intimidating 6'1" and was as lean as anything. He had gorgeous dirty blonde hair and grey blue eyes; his skin was a light olive tone that made him look like a reincarnation of Apollo. He followed up this claim with the most accurate shot the Hermantown High School. I met him through the boys and we also found out that we shared drama classes. When the other boys left Jake clung to me as a friend and I did the same to him, he was somewhat mad at the guys at first for leaving the team without a first line. You see he was the starting left wing and was the only one of the 'original line' left, the rest of the line being the four boys: Kendall was center and James finished the forwards with him at right wing and Logan and Carlos were my defense (my defense since I was a goalie, yes I play for the boys team do you have a problem with it?).

I guess Jake could be classified as a boyfriend since everyone else has labeled us this and we do couple things. The only problem here is that Jake is not into girls and I'm not into him, we do however find comfort in eachother and love eachother like brother and sister.

Jake is in the closet and refuses to come out.

I myself am in a closet too, mine is the "Logan Mitchell Lover" closet, that I will never leave.

This is why we connected. It stopped girls form asking him out and boys asking me out and kept my parents at ease (they knew that he was gay and my dad liked the idea of me not having a boyfriend). We both were actors and we knew how to pretend to love eachother and had no problem kissing if it was needed. The only problem was that when we were alone at my house he let me know what he thought of my closet, and let him know how much of a hypocrite he was (and teased him about is draw to James).

"Guess who's coming into town this weekend?" Jake asked as we started walking towards homeroom, his arm had found its way over my shoulder hiding me within his frame.

"My brother?"

"Really, he's coming into town?"

"Yeah they're playing the Wild this Saturday, he's going to come early and stay at the house. I believe my parents are having a big dinner if you want to join us."

"Sounds like fun… but what I wanted to tell you was another group of hockey players are coming into town."

"What do you mean?"

Jake handed me the flyer he had in his hands.

"I was able to get them for the drama department fundraiser when I called their record label and…" I stopped listening to him and looked at the green and black paper in my hand.

**BIG TIME FUNDRAISER**

**Big Time Rush wants YOU to come and support **

**Hermantown's Drama Department **

The picture showed the four boys that had been my family for years were coming back and more importantly.

So was Logan.

Shit.


	2. The Burned CDs

**Chapter Two! Yeah boy! Haha, it has become impossible to write but I'll try. I don't know if you guys have caught this yet but I'm a theater kid. That means that I have plays, right now I have two at the same time. Along with SATs and my AP and Honors Classes I have no time to do anything, which is why HESS has hit the back burner. April Vacation I plan on writing if I can, I have college visits so we'll see. ANYWAY! I would like to recommend a musical for you all to look at, 25****th**** Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee, my school is putting it on (I'm not in this one since I can't spell at all, I'm dyslexic so doing a musical about spelling is not a good idea) and I watched one of the songs today. Definitely one of the funniest things I have ever seen. I will say though that it isn't really appropriate for younger audiences. But I is really funny, go see it. (One of the Songs from it will be the title for the next chapter, it fits so I'm going to use it.)**

**I don't own BTR, or RENT.**

_Chapter 2: _

_The Burned CDs_

There are many things that can make me lose my marbles. Carlos' antics, James and his hair care products, Kendall's nonchalant attitude about life in general and they're overall disregard to anything that might cause them harm during their absurd plans; they are all up there on the list.

But the one person who really makes my anger and blood pressure soar is that cheeky girl Sandra. Sandra was the bane of my high school existence. She would make it her sole mission each day to cause me metal, physical, and emotional torment.

You may be asking yourself "Then why are you putting yourself in this position Logan?" Well the answer is simple.

I fell in love with her.

That's right I fell in love with that self righteous, scornful, sadistic, malignant spirit known far and wide as Hermantown's single most passionate and spiteful female Sandra Elizabeth Skinner.

So didn't everyone else in the town.

Even when she first moved here she was considered one of the towns' most sought after girls. She was quick to respond to any of the guys jokes and wasn't afraid to hurt herself for a gag. One of the things that really had people going after her was the fact that her brother was about to become (and then later became) one of the NHLs most promising rookies. Not to mention the fact that even though she was lanky in shape she was defiantly one of the hottest girls in school. She never let this get to her head and never took any of those guys seriously. She was always one to push them away and hung out strictly with the rest of the hockey team.

"Logan! Let's go, we have to get to the hotel before sun down." Kendall said calling to me. I had stopped in front of the Duluth International Airport's baggage claim and waited for my suitcases to arrive. Mrs. Knight had tried to get us not to use suitcases but in the end we had to, besides the flight was being taken care of by Gustavo. I saw my bags and made a dash for the cabs after everyone else took off. We got to the hotel in central Duluth and planned on being in town by tomorrow, all of us staying at la casa de Garcia for the time being seeing as Mrs. Garcia was down in Panama visiting her sister and Mr. Garcia would be away most of the time so we would be able to go in and out as need be. We knew not to be reckless though, seeing as if we did anything out of line one of our nosey neighbors would say something and if it came too it Mr. Garcia would probably be the cop to drag us in anyway.

That night I couldn't sleep and decided to look though the old photographs and the burned CDs that Sandra used to make for me. She made each of us one but I always felt like mine was made solely for me.

"_So these are for us?"_

"_Each of you, my sister got me this quicker cool computer system that I can burn CDs on and off and make movie junk and stuff. We can do those films we wanted and cut tracks and everything. I just made each of you a workout CD. My brother listens to music while he trains so I thought you guys might want to, too." Sandra handed each of us a plastic CD with her initials on it. The inside cover showed us a track list and I smiled when I looked at mine. Even though I was 14 at the time I had always enjoyed my parents' music. A lot of Motown tracks filled my list and I knew she had to search high and low for these. I always found her attentiveness to the things she had to go intriguing. She made sure she new everything about everyone she could. She knew our favorite everything: food, sports, books, subjects. She had made sure she made everything perfect for everyone. It was just how she was._

The CDs continued to play in my room; I still hadn't gotten to putting them on my iPod and used my old CD player. Hers were the only CDs I played. I put on one of the last CDS she gave me, the songs included a more complex combination of music, as I had gotten older I learned to appreciate the other music in the world. One of my favorite songs on the CD was "Halloween" from _RENT_. It was one of those songs that Sandra would throw in, she always did that. She always knew you better than you knew yourself.

"_Why did you put this on my CD? Why in God's name would I want to listen to some show tune from a tasteless play that I never heard of?" I said giving her back the CD. She had made us one of her monthly enlightening CDs to culturalize us. James was the only one who really liked them since they were normally show tunes, like this one, and he didn't mind Broadway all too much (he was going to be a star one way or another)._

"_First off how do you know that the show is tasteless if you've never seen it? Second, because it's a good song! You would identify with Mark; he's the smart and caring guy that everyone likes."_

"_Aw you think I'm smart and caring." I teased; I knew she didn't hate me as much as she let on. I sure liked her._

"_Don't get too cocky, he's also the one that turns girls to the other team." She said pushing my locker door towards me. I re opened it and finished putting away my books before continuing to gym. In front of the locker rooms for the gym Sandra cut off my path to the rest of the guys who stood just beyond the threshold._

"_Just take the CD and listen to it for me please. I promise you'll like it." She offered me the CD; I wordlessly took it and brushed pasted her, quickly catching her smirk._

I did like it in the end. It tapped into some fears I have when it comes to my future and I found that it nailed my on the head. I was finally able to fall asleep after listening to an old _Spinners _song she had thrown in for me. When I woke up I saw that everyone else was getting ready to go to our old school for a fundraiser.

I was going to see that insane girl that had captured my heart and mind and drives me to the point of finding the edge of the cliff a friendly sight.

We were going to see Sandra.

This is not good.

**That's Chapter 2! I'll start to write more in each chapter and if you want other POVs, both the boys and OCs I have yet to create are fair game, there's a nice button below to state your opinion. As for OCs if you have a suggestion you can put it up in the reviews if you want. I will say that I tend to change everything but if something is so in depth that I really just have the characters story in my face than Ill run with it. I will say, I am not looking for pairing for the boys, all types are open, I'm talking about teachers, old friends, enemies, girls, boys, family, anything. Hell I'll even take a dog! Haha, just don't put in is in love with Kendall. They might be at one point if I end up loving to write for the character but don't be surprised if it doesn't happen. I don't know what I'm doing with the other guys yet. Carlos I have some of an idea and I know I'm probably not doing slash. I have nothing wrong with it I just don't know how to write it much. It's not off the table yet though and I'm about to do a one shot to tests that water.**

_***You have reached the end, please pass Go and collect 200 dollars***_

_**PuBlicJorNal**_


	3. Woe Is Me

**Hello! I really got into writing Jake's back story so sorry if this is ridiculous to you guys. Next chapter is the big meet of everyone and the whole fundraiser thing to get the ball rolling. This was my favorite thing to write and I hope you all like it as well. I think it is an appropriate time to tell Jake's story since next week (mean about two days from now) is Diversity Week at my school which is conducted by GSA. Now this week has multiple events like Coming in for coming out and my favorite (since it the only one I can truly take part in since I'm so busy) is the day of silence. I will be speaking out for gay rights since I don't know how to keep my mouth shut. I guess this is just my way of doing so ahead of time. For me gay rights aren't something that should be an issue. Now someone else might think different (and may leave a nasty note) but I just think it's a basic right that everyone else has and someone who just so happens to like the same sex should as well. I didn't choose to be straight, I'm attracted to whomever I'm attracted to and I don't think that just because someone want to marry a person of the same sex that it can be illegal. It's not fair, I'm not saying they have to marry in a church but it should be recognized by the state.**

**Okay I'm done talking.**

**I NO OWN! **

**Don't you dare steal Sandra or Jake! **

**Story title comes from 25****th**** Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee (ironically this song is sung by Logain Shwarrtsandgubiner who is the adopted daughter of gay fathers) Also I'm using the sing later in the chapter**

_Chapter 3_

_Woe is Me_

Jake hated few things in life. One of the things he did hate though was the fact that people had such a curved view of the world. He was no different than anyone else on the hockey team or baseball team; he was no different than anyone else in theater or in the school for that matter. He liked boys, who cares. He didn't parade around like a man whore and try and get with every straight guy he saw. He just liked guys more than girls and that's how life worked.

He knew his parents cared and his brothers cared. They didn't want to know about whom he was dating or where he was going, only if it was with Sandra.

Sandra was a beacon for Jake. She was one of the only people in the world who were willing to take him as he was and be himself around. He could see her at the rink or the field or the stage. She was someone that had become constant in his life, which is something he hadn't had in years.

_Twelve year old Jake Sanders walked into his home and the smile that was on his face turned into a scowl. He wanted nothing more than to cry upon entering. There stood his brothers already in their training uniforms, and about to head out the door. Not before looking at their kid brother with a sad face._

"_Don't worry Jake; we'll be home before you know it." Samuel said rubbing his shaggy hair._

"_But I need to tell you guys something… Something really _really i_mportant."_

"_What's wrong Snake?" Eric said looking at him, Snake was a pet name all the family used and he didn't mind._

"_Its, something I only want to say once but you need to hear it." Jake was urgent and it made his older brothers nervous to see him like that. They didn't know what could possibly be wrong._

"_Alright little man, we'll call our coach, hockey can wait." Both boys put done their equipment bags and followed their determined brother into the kitchen. _

"_Mom, Dad we need to talk." Jake said with all the seriousness a twelve year old could muster._

"_What's wrong baby?"_

_Jake got extremely nervous now. He had though everything through until this point never thinking he'd get here. I didn't know what they would do and now he started to question if it was a good idea or not. What if he lost his family's love that day? What if they kick him out? What if they didn't love him anymore? He knew though that there was no backing out and that they had to know, he had to tell them._

"_Mom, Dad… Sam, Eric… I'm gay."_

The fears Jake had before talking to his family seemed to be non valid. His family didn't hate him after he came out. What happened was much worse.

They acted like it never happened.

From that moment on his family acted like he never mentioned to them he liked boys. His brother Sam had patted his hair, his mother went back to making dinner and his dad read the newspaper. Everything went back to normal. Originally Jake thought this to be a good thing but after a month of no one saying anything he was fed up. He approached his dad after school with every intention of forcing him to talk to his son. The resulting conversation changed Jake forever.

_Jake walked into his father's den. The room looked menacing instead of comforting like it used to. The dark wood no longer had the warm family color but only shadow and darkness the couch's dark red only looked like cracked dried blood instead of the old couch he would fall asleep on when he was younger._

_His father sat behind the high backed chair behind his desk like an evil war lord planning an attack. Jake knocked on the door frame and sat on the couch._

"_Something wrong Jake? You look perplexed."_

"_Um Dad… why, why haven't you asked me about, you know…" Jake said trying to catch his father's gaze. Jake's father continued to scratch notes on his case files and avoid Jake's eye._

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_Well, do you believe me?'_

"_Believe what Jake?"_

"_That I'm gay. Do you believe me when I say I'm gay?"_

_His father paused in his writing. Without a word spoken the older man closed his case file, set it aside, and grabbed a book from his shelf. He gave out a small chuckle and turned the page._

"_Of course I believe you Jake. You're going through a phase is all."_

_The brakes inside Jake's racing mind screeched to a halt._

"_Excuse me, what did you say?"_

"_Jake," his father said putting his book down, "you are obviously growing up. You're questioning things, hormones all that stuff. You just don't know how you feel. Jake, son, you believe you're gay, I get that, but one day soon you'll realize you're not. It's just a matter of time."_

"_But it's not dad. I'm gay, I always have been. When I was in the locker room for hockey I wasn't thinking about girls or the game, I was trying to figure out why my stomach got all tingly whenever James talked to me. Last year I started hiding me's health magazines under my bed not _Playboy_. Dad I'm gay, it's not a phase I can pop in and out of and you're going to have to accept that." Jake waited for his father to scream, for him to tell him he was a disgrace to the family._

_Again the reaction was much worse._

_His father patted his head on the way out of the den with a chuckle._

"_Alright son let's go to dinner."_

_Jake didn't eat that night._

Ever since then Jake almost never spoke to his father or his mother. Him mom had the same reaction to this as her husband. His brother same even set him up on a date with a teammate's sister. No one believed him.

The only person who would remotely talk to him on the subject was Eric.

_Now at the age of 16, Jake was used to his family not acknowledging his sexuality. He was distant and quiet at home and was bold and rambunctious at school. The one thing he vowed never to do though was tell someone else about his sexuality. His own family couldn't accept him, why would his school be any different and now that Kendall, James, Carlos and Logan all ran off to be a band in Hollywood he had a lot on his plate. _

_He walked into his house and saw Eric in the kitchen. Not speaking to his older brother he walked to the fridge and grabbed water with every intention of going straight upstairs. Eric however blocked his path._

"_Yes?"_

"_So, you're gay?" Eric said looking him in the eye, It had been awhile since Eric had been home and even longer since the two had ever really talked._

_Jake looked his brother dead in the eye and said something he had said to his family multiple times, this time however it seemed to have registered. "Yeah, I'm gay."_

_And then Eric said four little words that make Jake cry out in relief._

"_I'm okay with that."_

Eric later told Jake he had to tell someone about his sexuality, someone that would accept him completely. Eric still didn't know how to talk to his little brother; he knew that there was still a long way to go in figuring out how to fully grasp his brother's life and wanted to make sure that his brother had someone to turn to even when Eric couldn't handle it.

That's when Jake came out to Sandra.

"_I'd jutth like to take thith opportunity to thank my two fatherth, who have been tho thupportive of me in all of my endeaworth. Thankth dadth." Sandra said Jake and Miles' que to sing the beginning of 'Woe Is Me' the song marked the closing of drama club for the day and everyone headed out the door._

_After rehearsal Jake and Sandra went to grab smoothies, even though it was about 30 degrees Fahrenheit outside._

_Once the two got settled in their seats Jake decided to tell his friend the one secret he always kept. He let the mindless chatter wander first, procrastinating until the last but then he could wait any longer. Right in the middle of her reenactment of her pre calculus (more commonly referred to as pre calc-kill-us)he just said it._

"_Sandra I'm gay."_

"_Yeah and?"_

"_What do you mean?" Jake thought. He just didn't want a repeat of his family._

"_I don't know what your sexual preference has to do with Logarithms but since we're on the subject. Jakey, I could give a rat's ass as to whether you like boys, girls or both you are Jake and no sexual preference is going to change that. I will always be here, whether you like it or not. Besides, I'm in the closet myself."_

"_You're a lesbian?" Jake said shocked._

"_No, no" Sandra said with a chuckle "I'm in the hidden love closet."_

"_If you're talking about Logan Mitchell than sweetie you are so in denial that you are an Egyptian queen. Everyone on this god given earth knows that you like him... except maybe him."_

_The two friends laughed whole heartedly for a while before moving on with the conversation._

_Jake had found his companion._

After that the two would not separate. This is when all the stories of the "couple" came out and Jake and Sandra could believe it, both of them ran with it though and it became customary.

Jake however was starting to regret letting her go through with it. Little Cleopatra was in denial still and denied everything he threw at her, which is why he called in the reserves. The fundraiser was his idea and he was going to see through to his alternative plan.

_Oh Sandra, you have no idea what is in store for you… Just don't kill Logan._

**And there is chapter three. **

**Just realised that this entire chapter is in the 3rd person... I blame all my argumentative essays the past week and the fact its midnght. Sorry!**

**Now I think I just found my Kendall love interest in my head and have to write her down quick. She might come later or next, not sure. Anyway! Have a good day/night/afternoon. REVIEW! I want to know what you think and if you have any characters you want. I have said before don't give me a love interest but if you have a burning character for either James or Carlos without a home I would be glad to foster them.**

**Please Pass GO and Collect 200 dollars.**

**PuBlicJorNal**


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